The brothers and sisters of a child with cancer may have all of the same feelings and emotions that parents experience.

The CCLG has booklets about siblings of children with cancer. Our cancer support service can give you details of other information for and about siblings.

If you need to spend a lot of time in the hospital with your child who has cancer, your other children may be cared for by other family members or friends. They may have a lot of time away from you and find their daily routine keeps changing. As well as worrying about their brother or sister’s health, they may also feel resentful of all the attention that the ill child gets. This can make them feel very left out and angry. It can help if you plan some time with your other children when they can be the centre of attention, perhaps by going out for a meal or to see a film. If your child with cancer is having some special attention, for example, having sweet treats, or their favourite things to eat, you can do the same for other children in the family.

The needs of brothers and sisters can sometimes be overlooked, particularly in the early months when you may spend most of your time caring for your ill child either in the hospital or at home. Many brothers and sisters keep their feelings bottled up inside, to avoid worrying parents.

Often, the place where siblings may show how they feel is at school. They may:

• withdraw and become very quiet
• become disruptive in the classroom
• cry easily
• become frustrated and have outbursts of anger
• fall behind in class work
• get lower marks than usual
• start missing school
• become rebellious towards authority
• have arguments and fights with friends and other children in their class.

It will help to write to your children’s head teachers, asking them to let your children’s teachers know that their brother or sister has been diagnosed with cancer. You can ask for the school’s help and support for your children. The teachers need to be aware of the stresses facing the family, and they will understand that feelings may be expressed by behaviour at school.

If a sibling is obviously having difficulty dealing with the situation, talk about it with staff at the hospital such as the specialist nurses or the social worker. They can arrange for counselling, help and support for you and your healthy children. The Cancer Counselling Trust also offers family counselling. Some hospitals have support groups for siblings.