It is natural to be concerned about how your possessions will be distributed after your death. It is a thoughtful and effective way of taking care of the people you love. It may also spare them painful decisions, bureaucratic hassles and even financial difficulty that might occur if you do not make your wishes clear. You may also find that once you have put your affairs in order, your mind is cleared of many concerns, leaving you free to concentrate on the present.

Making a will ensures that you have control over your property. It makes sure that your loved ones, and people or issues that you care about are looked after, and your wishes are carried out. If you die without making a will, the state decides who gets your possessions and they may not be shared out in the way you wish. You may find making a will a painful and upsetting thing to do. However, you may also gain a sense of satisfaction and relief at sorting out your affairs and knowing that you are safeguarding the future of your family and friends.

Making a will is not always as difficult or expensive as you might think, but it is a legal document and it should be properly prepared. It is advisable to go to a solicitor. A solicitor will know the precise wording to pass on your wishes and ensure they are carried out exactly as you want. If you do not use a solicitor, your will might not be clear and may cause delays and unnecessary legal expenses later on.

You can find a solicitor by asking a friend for a recommendation, or look in the phone book. Alternatively, phone the Law Society on 0870 606 2555 for England and Wales, 0131 226 7411 for Scotland or 028 9023 1614 for Northern Ireland. It is best to telephone a few solicitors and get quotes before deciding which one is best for you. Solicitors will sometimes make home visits.

If you have already made a will, you can update or alter it quite simply by adding a codicil. This is an extra instruction to your will which can be added at any stage, and alters it in any way you want. Again, it helps to prepare a list of the changes you want, and then go to your solicitor, who can easily draw up the codicil for you.

Some practical things it might be helpful to do include:

• Make a will (or update your will, if you have already made one)
• If you have children under 18, discuss arrangements for their future with your partner, and appoint guardians, in the event that you both die.
• List where you keep important documents (eg the title deeds of your house) and details of such things as your bank account or insurance premiums.
• List the people who should be told when you die (eg your solicitor, if you have one; anyone who has been named as executor of your will; your employer).
• Some people like to make plans for their own funeral, or discuss whether they would prefer cremation or burial.

There may be some everyday tasks you have always done that you should note down, so that there is some record of, for example, where you got the car serviced, how to turn the central heating boiler on, or how to use the washing machine.

In addition to dealing with your practical affairs, you may find that there are also emotional loose ends you want to tie up – for example, old friends you want to see, or perhaps quarrels you want to make up. If you want to contact someone you have not been in touch with for some time, you could try writing to or emailing or phoning them. You could tell them about your illness and ask them to visit or get in touch with you. Approached with this sort of openness, old arguments can often be healed.

You may find yourself thinking a lot about the past; about joys, regrets and fears and going over events in your mind, and perhaps going through old photo albums. You may want to visit places again, such as somewhere you used to live. If you’re no longer able to get around by yourself, you can ask someone to take you or go with you.

You may also find yourself thinking about the future, and grieving for a time when you are no longer there. You may like to write letters to people who are dear to you, or perhaps prepare an audio or video/DVD recording, to be given to them after your death. Some people like to write down some of their family history for the next generation or to prepare a scrapbook for their children or grandchildren, perhaps getting the children to help.

These are sad things to do, but they can also be satisfying, as they give you a chance to think about the things that have happened to you, both good and bad – a kind of mental stocktake. They can also give you some amusement. The important thing is to do what feels right for you, when it feels right.

Family members or friends may feel that you are being morbid and gloomy and try to make you cheer up. Though this may be difficult, it is a sign of their love for you. It may be that they are not yet ready to accept what is happening. If you can, it can help to try and explain that you need time to yourself, to think and to feel sad.

Some people find that they become more aware of religious or spiritual feelings when they are told their cancer has come back or spread. People with a religious faith are often greatly supported by it during illness. Other people may find that, perhaps for the first time in their lives, they need to think about and discuss spiritual issues. They may start thinking about whether there is a life after death. They may find comfort through prayer. Many people gain a great deal of support from knowing that other people are praying for them.

Even if you haven’t attended religious services regularly in the past, or aren’t sure what you believe, you can still talk to a priest, rabbi or other religious leader. They are used to dealing with uncertainty and won’t be shocked. They are not there to preach to you, but to comfort and help you find peace of mind.

If you are in hospital, you can ask for a visit from a hospital chaplain or appropriate religious or spiritual leader.