No one can be sure how long you will live. Even if one of your doctors has told you that you have six months to live, (perhaps because you asked them directly), it is important to remember that this is just an estimate. You may live longer, or unfortunately you may have less time than this.

Generally you will probably have 'good days' when you feel well and positive about life and 'bad days' when your energy reserves are lower. It’s important to plan for this and appreciate the days you feel well.

Even with modern scans and x-rays it is sometimes difficult to tell exactly what effect the cancer is having on your body. This makes it very difficult for your doctors or nurses to predict exactly when you are nearing the end of life. However there are some physical changes that can happen to the body that may indicate that someone is nearing the final days or hours of life.

As you become more ill you’ll find that you get weaker and feel more tired. You may gradually feel less able to do things and may also have less interest in doing activities that you enjoyed before. Your need for company and activity may vary from day to day.

People find that they sleep more and more during the day and also lose strength. Some people find that they gradually need fewer people around them. As your energy fades, you may only want your partner or closest family members around you.

Towards the very end of life you may feel your attention withdrawing even from them. On the other hand, you may be scared to be alone and want someone with you all the time. Even if you are in a hospital or hospice it’s usually possible to arrange this.

Although death is the final loss, other 'losses' happen slowly throughout a terminal illness. These can include stopping work, not being able to move around so easily and stopping driving.

Although this slow process can be helpful in allowing you to get used to the idea of death and gradually withdraw from life and commitments, it can also make you feel sad and very low. A dying person often needs to spend time grieving for the things which are lost. This is a natural part of the process of dying.

There is no ‘right’ way to die and no ‘right’ way to cope with the knowledge that you or a partner or friend is dying. You can only cope in the way that is best for you. It’s up to each person to try to come to terms with death in their own way, at their own pace.

Many people eventually find a sense of peace and appear to be ready to ‘let go’ when the time comes. It’s natural to cry and you don’t have to put on a brave face. If you hide your feelings, you and the people you love don’t get an opportunity to say what is in your hearts.

If you find that you need to talk about how you feel, and find it difficult to talk to the people closest to you (perhaps because they are too upset), talking to a trusted friend or a counsellor may help.

The Cancerbackup nurses, or the symptom control or palliative care team from your local hospice, will be happy to answer your questions and talk openly with you about dying. They can also tell you about counsellors or other people that you can talk to in depth.

Many people find that when they are told that they won’t recover from their cancer, they are overcome by thoughts of all the things they still want to do. There may also be unfinished business which they need to sort out. It’s important to go ahead and do all the things which you are fit enough to enjoy. If you really want to do something, then do it and enjoy it now!

As well as dealing with practical and financial affairs, you may find that there are also emotional loose ends that you want to tie up – for example, old friends you want to see or wrongs you want to put right.

If you would like to settle old quarrels, you could try writing or telephoning the person, explaining about your illness and asking them to visit or get in touch. This sort of openness can often heal old hurts and you can end up feeling much more at peace.

You may find yourself thinking a lot about the past, talking about shared joys, fears and regrets, and going over old events in your mind or through photo albums. If you feel well enough, you may want to visit places again, such as somewhere you used to live. You may also find yourself thinking about the future, and grieving for a time when you will no longer be there.

You may like to write letters to people who are dear to you, or perhaps record a tape or video, to be given to them after your death. Some people like to write down some of their family history for the next generation or to put together a scrapbook or memory box for their children or grandchildren, perhaps getting the children to help. See our patient information guide for books on this subject. Winston’s Wish has a leaflet about creating memory boxes.

These are sad things to do, but they can also be satisfying as they give you a chance to reflect on the kinds of things that have happened to you, both good and bad. They may even make you laugh and have light-hearted memories. The important thing is to do what feels right for you, when it feels right.

Many people find that they become more aware of religious beliefs or spiritual feelings during this time. People with a strong religious faith often find this very supportive during illness. Other people start to question a lifetime faith. Some may find that, perhaps for the first time in their lives, they feel the need to think about and discuss spiritual issues.

You may start thinking about whether there is a life after death. Some people find comfort in prayer or meditation. Many people gain a great deal of support from knowing that other people are praying for them.

Some religions have very specific practices for when people are very ill or dying. If you want to do such practices in a hospital or hospice, it’s helpful to discuss this with the staff. They can help to find an appropriate space for you and your friends and family to practise. The staff can also organise mealtimes, bathing or giving medicines accordingly.

Don’t be put off talking to a chaplain, minister, priest, rabbi or other religious leader just because you have not attended services regularly, or because you’re not sure about what you believe. Spiritual and religious leaders are used to dealing with uncertainty and with people who are distressed, and may be able to help you find peace of mind.