This page suggests some things to do if your friend or relative is about to be discharged from hospital to be cared for by you. If you have been looking after someone at home for some time, you may want to skip straight to getting practical help and support.

Before your partner, relative or friend comes home from hospital, it is a good idea to try to talk together about how they want to be looked after and how you can care for them. Even if people with cancer are physically frail and dependent, they can be involved in making plans about their care. If they are excluded, this may make them feel very isolated and increase their sense of dependence.

If other members of the family will be sharing the care, it is a good idea to involve them in these discussions. If you can talk at an early stage about what each person can do you may be able to see more clearly the areas where you will need outside help. Bear in mind your other commitments, such as work, family, etc.

You may find that one of the tasks that falls to you is that of keeping everyone informed as things change. This can be very stressful, particularly if you find you have to break bad news to a number of different people, then deal with the distress this brings them. You might like to think about asking another member of the family to help you do this.

By the time your relative or friend leaves hospital, all the practical help and services needed at home should already have been set up by the social worker together with the hospital staff.

If there are a lot of things to take into consideration, a case conference may be organised before discharge. This is a meeting that involves the doctor, nurses and social worker, as well as you and the person you are caring for. A case conference also enables the person with cancer to be involved in planning their care.

As a carer, you should never be left to take your relative or friend home without the support and practical help you need. If you are not sure of the arrangements that have been made, talk to the staff nurse or ward sister at the hospital. They can arrange for you to see the social worker. If you are not happy with anything that has been arranged, say so. Don't agree to something you know won't be helpful or miss out on something you need.

If you find it difficult to be strong with the staff at the hospital, try writing down what you want to say beforehand. You could also take someone else with you to remind you of any points you may have forgotten, and to note the answers.

Remember, too, that the arrangements can be adjusted later on if the situation changes. For example, you may not need any help at first, but if the person you are caring for finds getting out of bed more difficult after a few weeks, you may begin to need help with personal care.

Ideally your relative or friend should be given a note from the hospital to bring home. The note should give details about medicines, dietary needs, symptoms to look out for, and where to get help if you need it. If the note is not clear, ask for more details. You have the right to the information and to ask any questions you want.

By the time your relative or friend gets home, the hospital should have told the GP and/or the district (community) nursing team. During the first few days at home the GP may visit. If this doesn't happen, contact the surgery and tell them that the person you are looking after has just come out of hospital. The sooner the GP makes contact with you both the better, even if you think you don't need much, or any, help at the time.