Taking on the role of carer can be very unsettling, especially as it can happen at any time and may not have been planned for. In your role as carer, it is important to find a balance between what you think you can or should offer by way of support.

As each person with cancer is an individual with their own wishes and needs, it is important to respect their preferences. However, you also need to recognise that they may understate their need for help so as not to be a burden to you, or simply because they don't recognise the demands that the illness and treatment may create. Their need for support may change over time. It is also important to recognise that, at a time of uncertainty, they may need to feel in control of their life, so wherever possible they should be allowed to make decisions about their care.

Talking about what support you can provide will help you to identify the type(s) of support needed. This may be someone to listen, someone to share thoughts and feelings with, or someone to provide practical help such as driving, shopping, housework etc. It may be that you do not feel able to provide the type of support they need. But you can help to find that care, from a range of organisations.

It is important, as a carer, to look after your own health and well-being and to recognise what you can and can’t do yourself. You may also need to share your own thoughts and feelings with someone, and get support for yourself.

You may find it helpful to read our section on the emotional effects of cancer.