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It is common to have feelings of uncertainty, fear, panic, anger, worry or sadness – even once your treatment has ended.
Cancerbackup’s section on the emotional effects of cancer discusses such feelings and emotions and has helpful tips on how to deal with them.
Planning the future may feel very strange as yur future may have seemed uncertain and may continue to feel uncertain for a time.
Some people are afraid that having negative feelings may delay their recovery. However, when you talk to other people who have had cancer, even the most positive of them will admit to low times, when they felt depressed and anxious. No one can be positive all of the time, so try not to put pressure on yourself to always stay on top of things when you really want to say that you’re finding it tough. Being positive does not mean always feeling happy and cheerful. It is actually a very positive thing to acknowledge when you feel tired, anxious, depressed or angry.
Talking honestly about how you feel, and crying if you need to, can help to release tension and stress and can bring you closer to the person you are talking to. If you find it hard to talk honestly to people in your family it may help to find someone from outside to talk to, such as one of the Cancerbackup nurses, a counsellor, or one of the cancer support organisations listed.
It is not unusual to have a whole range of emotions while recovering from cancer. Sometimes you may become overwhelmed by one type of feeling. You know this is happening when, weeks or months after your treatment has finished, the same thoughts keep whirling round in your head, and you find yourself unable to structure your day or return to your usual way of life. This happens to many people and is a common reaction to having had cancer. It can be frightening and some people say that they feel they are going mad, because the feelings are so strong.
Some of the feelings you may have include:
Anger is a natural reaction to loss, and cancer can bring with it many losses. As the person who has had cancer, you will be dealing with your own losses, and possibly rage or anger about being the person who was diagnosed and who had to go through the stress and worry of treatment. Meanwhile, relatives and friends will have feelings as well. We tend to feel angry when someone leaves us, and when someone is ill we may be afraid that they will die, and we will be left alone. This can be a very hurtful and upsetting experience, which can be intensified because we feel bad about feeling angry.
However, you may be able to use some of the energy of your anger to support yourself. Sometimes people find that an angry reaction to having had cancer helps them to become clearer about what they do and don’t want in their lives. They may become more assertive. On the other hand, some of the things that would previously have caused them stress no longer seem so important.
There’s a lot to feel angry about in life, and it is very natural to feel angry when you have had cancer – so don’t feel bad about feeling this way. Start by simply telling yourself and a few other people you trust when you are angry. Just saying the words ‘I’m angry’ can be a relief.
When strong feelings like anger are held in, they can cause problems such as depression and tiredness, hopelessness and lack of motivation. If you are holding in your feelings because there is no one you feel able to talk to, you may find it helpful to have some counselling. You can phone the Cancer Counselling Trust or speak to your GP or the nurses at Cancerbackup for details of counselling services in your area.
If you are feeling low and miserable, you may find it helpful to ask yourself what feelings or experiences may have caused this. Some people find it helpful to write down what they are feeling. You may blame yourself, or others, for having had cancer, and may become cut off from the rest of the world. Perhaps you are angry or frightened, and have not had the chance to tell anyone, or maybe you just feel very sad.
Sometimes strong feelings of sadness can turn into depression. There are a number of signs of depression and these are:
These symptoms are often accompanied by other problems such as difficulty in sleeping, a loss of concentration, continual tiredness and lack of energy, a loss of motivation (being unable to start or finish things) and a loss of interest in sex.
If you have some of the signs of depression, or feel that you may be depressed, then do talk to a doctor or nurse. Don’t keep these feelings to yourself. Your doctors will understand and can help if you let them know how you are feeling. There are a number of psychological support methods such as counselling or psychotherapy that can dramatically improve your quality of life and can help you to deal with depression. Sometimes a short course of antidepressant drugs can be helpful at a time like this.
If you think you are depressed, speak to your GP. He or she can refer you to a doctor or counsellor who specialises in the emotional problems of people living with cancer.
The energy it takes to keep strong feelings like depression pushed down can actually make you feel low, exhausted or weak, which can make you feel more depressed. If you wish to look into your feelings further, you may find it helpful to talk to a counsellor.
It is natural that you may feel depressed at some time during your cancer experience. Try to be aware of your needs, and keep on finding ways to get them met. Make sure you have enough support from family and friends, and above all try to feel caring and supportive towards yourself. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up without judging yourself as a bad person, or trying to change them.
Cancerbackup is a national charity and we rely on voluntary donations. To donate, please call 020 7696 9003 and tell us you have visited our website. Thank you.
