It is common to have a range of feelings once your treatment has ended. These may include: uncertainty, fear, panic, anger, worry, sadness.

Our section on the emotional effects of cancer talks about such feelings and emotions, and has helpful tips on how to deal with them.

Planning the future may feel very strange, as your future may have felt uncertain (and may continue to) for a time.

Some people are afraid that having negative feelings may slow their recovery. However, when you talk to other people who have had cancer, even the most optimistic of them will admit to low times, when they felt depressed and anxious. No one can be positive all of the time, so try not to put pressure on yourself to always stay on top of things when you really want to say that you’re finding it tough. Being positive does not mean always feeling happy and cheerful. It is actually a very positive thing to acknowledge when you feel tired, anxious, depressed or angry.

Talking honestly about how you feel, and crying if you need to, can help to release tension and stress and can bring you closer to the person you are talking to. If you find it hard to talk openly to people in your family, it may help to find someone from outside to talk to, such as one of our nurses, a counsellor, or a cancer support organisation.

It is not unusual to have a whole range of emotions while recovering from cancer. Sometimes you may become overwhelmed by one type of feeling. You know this is happening when, weeks or months after your treatment has finished, the same thoughts keep whirling round in your head, and you find yourself unable to structure your day or go back to your usual way of life. This happens to many people and is a common reaction to having had cancer. It can be frightening and some people say that they feel they are going mad, because the feelings are so strong.

Some of the feelings you may have include:

• blaming yourself for your situation
• the need to blame others for what has happened
• overwhelming stress
• long-standing anger and resentment
• guilt at surviving cancer when other people have not survived
• fear of planning ahead in case the cancer comes back.
  

Anger is a natural reaction to loss, and cancer can bring with it many losses. As the person who has had cancer, you will be dealing with your own losses, and possibly rage or anger about being the person who had to go through the stress and worry of treatment. Meanwhile, relatives and friends will have feelings as well. We tend to feel angry when someone leaves us, and when someone is ill we may be afraid that they will die, and we will be left alone. This can be a very hurtful and upsetting experience, which can be intensified because we feel bad about feeling angry.

However, you may be able to use some of the energy of your anger to support yourself. Sometimes people find that an angry reaction to having had cancer helps them to become clearer about what they do and don’t want in their lives. They may become more assertive. On the other hand, some of the things that would previously have caused them stress no longer seem so important.

There’s a lot to feel angry about in life, and it is very natural to feel angry when you have had cancer – so don’t feel bad about feeling this way. Start by simply telling yourself and a few other people you trust when you are angry. Just saying the words ‘I’m angry’ can be a relief.

When strong feelings like anger are held in, they can cause problems such as depression, tiredness, hopelessness and lack of motivation. If you are holding in your feelings because there is no one you feel able to talk to, you may find it helpful to have some counselling. You can phone the Cancer Counselling Trust, speak to your GP, or call one of our nurses for details of counselling services in your area.

If you are feeling low and miserable, you may find it helpful to ask yourself what feelings or experiences may have caused this. Some people find it helpful to write down what they are feeling. You may blame yourself, or others, for having had cancer, and may become cut off from the rest of the world. Perhaps you are angry or frightened, and have not had the chance to tell anyone, or maybe you just feel very sad.

Sometimes, strong feelings of sadness can turn into depression. There are a number of signs of depression and these include:

• your mood is low most of the time
• you do not feel your usual self
• neither you nor anyone else can lift you out of your low mood
• you have lost interest in and get no enjoyment from your favourite activities.

These signs often happen along with other problems such as difficulty in sleeping, a loss of concentration, continual tiredness and lack of energy, a loss of motivation (being unable to start or finish things) and a loss of interest in sex.

If you have some of the signs of depression, or feel that you may be depressed, you can talk to a doctor or nurse. Don’t keep these feelings to yourself. The energy it takes to keep strong feelings like depression pushed down can actually make you feel low, exhausted or weak, which can make you feel more depressed. Your doctors will understand and can help if you say how you are feeling. If you would like to look into your feelings further, you may find it helpful to talk to a counsellor. There are also are various psychological support methods (like counselling or psychotherapy) that can greatly improve your quality of life and can help you to deal with low mood and depression. Sometimes, a short course of antidepressant drugs can be helpful at a time like this.

It is natural that you may feel depressed at some time during your cancer experience. Try to be aware of your needs, and think about how they can be met. Make sure you have enough support from family and friends, and above all try to feel caring and supportive towards yourself. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up without judging yourself as a bad person, or trying to change them.