Many people with cancer feel that they should 'be positive'. If you or someone you know has been diagnosed with cancer, you may be advised by other people to ‘think positively’. However, that’s not always easy – a lot of people have periods of feeling low at some time in their lives.

What is being positive?

Positive thinking means different things to different people. However, generally it is about facing up to the situation, and finding ways of coping with it. People do this in many ways. What works for one person may not work for another.

When you talk to people with cancer, even the most positive of them will admit to low times when they felt depressed and anxious. No one can be positive 100% of the time. It’s important that you don’t feel that you must always stay on top of things. Being positive doesn’t mean having to feel happy and cheerful all the time. It’s a positive thing to acknowledge and talk about your feelings – even when you’re feeling tired, worried, depressed or angry.

There may be times when you want to talk about a difficult topic like the chance of the cancer being cured or making a will. Comments about being positive are then not always helpful - in fact, they can be very upsetting.

The impact of cancer on life

A diagnosis of cancer means you will have to deal with issues and situations that may be very frightening and challenging. When life feels uncertain it can help to talk things through – both your hopes and your fears. Fears and thoughts surrounding cancer include:

• Cancer can be a life-threatening disease.
• The person with cancer may lose part of their body through surgery.
• The person with cancer may have changes to their body, such as hair loss, due to treatment.
• You may lose some independence and freedom.
• You may lose friends who can’t face up to the illness.
• You may lose important work contacts.
• You may have to make big changes to your life.

These are very real concerns and will obviously have an effect on you, and those close to you. It’s OK to worry about and be upset by them.  It’s also OK to cry and say how you feel when things get tough. Crying is a natural response to distress and not a sign of weakness. It can be a very important release and often you will feel better afterwards. 

Do my feelings affect the cancer or the treatment?

Feeling sad or having negative feelings doesn’t delay a person’s recovery from treatment, make the cancer grow faster, or make it more likely to come back.

Research studies have tried to find out whether ‘positive thinking’ can make treatment more successful or prevent cancer coming back. This is a very difficult issue to research and studies have shown different results. Although cancer may be influenced by our thoughts, feelings and attitudes, the process is not well understood. There is no convincing evidence that ‘positive thinking’ can make treatments more effective or prevent cancer coming back. It’s important to remember that cancer is also influenced by other things such as our environment, diet, and our genetic and physical make-up.

However you feel, it’s important that you are able to talk honestly and cry if you need to. This can help to release tension and stress and can even bring you closer to the person you are talking to. It’s important to remember that all feelings and thoughts pass and you will feel better at some point in the future.

If you find it hard to talk openly to people in your family it may help to find someone from outside to talk to. This could be one of our nurses, the specialist nurse at the hospital, a counsellor, or another cancer support organisation.