Communication plays a big part in any relationship. Alongside talking, facial expression, body language, gestures and attitude all contribute to how we express our thoughts, feelings and ideas.

When someone is diagnosed with cancer, both they and their partner will experience a range of different emotions. There are also practical issues to consider, for example, work, finances, visits to hospital and telling family and friends.

Talking

Talking about the illness and the impact it’s having can be an important way to help you both cope with it. But remember, you or your partner might not always want, or feel able, to talk.

Reasons why talking may be difficult:

• You don’t know what to say.
• You want to talk but your partner doesn’t.
• You feel you shouldn’t talk about the illness.
• You don't know how to encourage your partner to talk.
• You don’t want to say anything that may make things worse.
• You may feel guilty about how you feel.

People often get comfort from talking to each other. Talking about something can also help you understand how you feel about it. Discussing your fears or concerns can help put them into perspective. Talking about something important or personal produces a bond between people and this can help both of you to feel appreciated and supported.

Listening

Listening is an important part of communication – we all like to feel we’ve been heard, especially when talking about a serious issue. Making sure you’re both comfortable and that you have enough time is important. Don’t be afraid to express your own feelings and concerns. This is something you are both going through, not just the person with cancer. Allow yourselves to be sad and upset – this is a natural reaction to bad news. Silences need not be awkward as they give you a chance to focus your thoughts. Remember that humour can be important too, and that touch can sometimes express what you mean more than words.

There is no 'magic formula' or 'right thing' to say. Listening and talking will help you both understand, as much as you can, what the other person is feeling. The more you understand each other, the better the communication will be.